Banana Hammocks and Wedgie Jeans

This coming week I will walk the cavernous halls of the industry trade shows, stopping only for cursory glances at the wares on display. Nothing on display shocks me anymore. Over the years I have seen everything the industry can offer. Low rise, high-waisted, sheer, and denim, the clothing always recycles itself. This season it looks like denim will be a hot ticket item.

Denim. Don't call them jeans. Jeans are old. It's not a jean skirt/jacket/pair of overalls... it's denim.

Isn't denim old as the hills? It's not a new fashion. Well I suppose when you wedge it up in your crack and then cut off the legs you're doing something no one in previous generations thought was a good idea. I am not sure when hacking the length of a jean (sorry denim... pant?) we used to call "Mom Jeans" became a fashion forward idea but hey. More power to you. Good luck sitting down in your denim panties. Sounds very chafe-y. At least Kylie up there keeps them full length. 

I'm not really there to look at the fashion-forward women's items anyway. I spend most of my time rubbing elbows with big wigs in the booths of the fine men's clothing area. An area which has gone from taking up the entire hall to taking up a corner of it.

Men don't want to wear suits anymore. Not nearly as many anyway. They've managed to stem that tide a little bit within the last few years by making men's suits out of colored Saran Wrap and making the pants shorter. But honestly, how many men really want a iridescent blue suit that is so tight they can't move paired with a pant that makes no secret of whether they hang to the left or the right? Is that what you really want, men of fashion? 

So let's get to it. Why am I writing about bulging pants and bun-spreading denim shorts (dorts?) on a blog mostly dedicated to writing?

Well because I write copy for the clothing industry. Not the entire industry, but quite a few clients that are in that business. It's the job I'm using to keep the lights on and the bills paid while I try to figure out how to break into the world of best seller-dom. That may never happen though, so I go to these trade shows twice a year as part of my primary career. When I get back I'll whip up some slick copy for my clients to sell the latest and greatest fashion that was just brought back from the dead and I'll soldier on with my writing on the side as I have done for the past few years. 

That is until someone notices my writing genius and decided it's worth all the money.

Notice my genius, dammit.

(Despite the rather click bait-y title, I really have run across a good number of banana hammock wearing dudes in booths on the trade show floor. I never feel more overdressed than when a dude in a sausage-sling approaches me while I'm dressed in a full suit and tie.)