On the flight to the biannual trade show in Vegas, I had the pleasure of sitting next to two young ladies from Chicago for the hour or so plane ride. Prior to boarding, I had hoped I would sit next to someone interesting. I got my wish.
There wasn't more than a 30-second lull in their conversation. At first, I rolled my eyes and thought of putting in my earbuds to drown out the chatter. Instead, I listened and feel... entertained? Enlightened? Abused? Take a look at the course of conversation and you be the judge:
The following points of conversation were enhanced by 27 "F" words or variations thereof, and roughly 39 other words of varying offensiveness. I think I may have even learned a few new ones.
One of their fathers is Polish, grew up in the same neighborhood as Kanye West, and routinely got beat up because he was "too white."
One of them desperately needs to shave once they get to the hotel. Can't go out on the town without shaving.
Both of them need to have a smoke. Like, NOW.
One of their shift managers is "deliciously hot" and is "28 or 30 or something."
One of them is in Vegas for the first time and is 21 so they are legal to get blindingly drunk.
One of them is going to marry her boyfriend "Steven", and they will have a boy who is super popular and totally plays football in high school.
One of them is a "damaged soul" and as such, is attracted to other damaged souls. (I wondered silently if "Steven" is a damaged soul. If so, will he still be able to father a quarterback son?)
One of their mothers got arrested in and is now banned from all Kohl's stores.
The benefits of performing a proper "booty bounce" were discussed. (I'm assuming they are referring to dancing. But I can't verify that.)
One of their bosses is a homosexual and totes wants to make out with Bruno Mars. (I'm also assuming this boss isn't the "deliciously hot" one but I could be wrong.)
There was an extensive discussion on what time it will be in Vegas when we land. I thought I would help the conversation and told them since we gain an hour because of the time zone change we will land at about the same time as we took off. I was told that was "impossible."
Upon seeing the proximity of the airport to the strip, they proclaimed, "We don't even need a cab, the strip is RIGHT THERE!" I told them they would definitely need a cab, to which they scoffed, "We're from Chicago, we walk that far every day!" Fair enough.
And last but not least: They both agree they are definitely just so fat right now, but only according to themselves. According to the other, they are so totally not fat but super cute.
Keeping it classy, Chicago girls.
Thanks for the in-flight entertainmnent.